


Not Without You

by TheWinterDoctor



Series: Not Without You [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dream I had, M/M, Mpreg, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Viloence, Why Did I Write This?, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, pregnancy hormones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:26:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7113415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWinterDoctor/pseuds/TheWinterDoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve wakes up after a painful back alley c-section.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where is hope

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a dream I had the other day, parts of this are anyway. I woke up before the dream ended, so I am figuring out the ending as I write this. This is my very first fan fiction ever, so please keep that in mind. I do hope you like it though. Not beta'd so any mistakes are my own.Still a work in progress right now. More chapters to come, just trying to figure out how to pull the info out of my brain.

Steve groans as the world slowly comes into focus. He is lying on the ground, half his side is wet from the dirty puddle he was rolled into. He tries to sit up and his eyes are suddenly filled with sparks.  


"Shit." he groans through clenched teeth. He takes several deep breaths while trying to make the pain go away. As his vision clears he slowly, oh so slowly moves his hand down to his slightly distended belly and feels under his shirt. Before his hand even reaches the crudely done stitching he knows something is missing. Something that has been a part of him for nine months, something that has given him immense joy, and then unrelenting pain. Something, no someone that is now gone.  
Tears fall unchecked from his eyes and a sort of understanding makes itself known to him. They took her, or him. Steve doesn't even know what it was, just that the baby that was conceived from a love so vast and deep has been stolen from him, and he does not know who took it or why. He curls in on himself, wrapping his arms tightly across his now empty stomach. Even though every little movement causes him pain, he can't feel it through the emotional pain he is feeling now.  


He doesn't know how long he was in the alley before he woke up, and he doesn't really care. Without his child in his arms, and the love of his life next to him, the depression he felt before finding Bucky in that tiny apartment crashes back down on him. He starts to sob uncontrollably, but silently, his shoulders shaking with every ounce of emotion that is now pouring forth. Every bit of anger, sadness, and fear that he has felt over the past nine months finally makes itself known and he doesn't try to control it, he lets it come. Why try to control it anymore, he is so very tired of always being the strong one. The one who no matter what keeps everything together. Keeps his team together, and keeps himself together. Why, what is the point anymore, his two reasons for living are gone, and he doesn't even know if he can get them back. He gives in to everything and sobs until he passes out in the back of a dirty and wet dead end alley.


	2. Dreaming While You Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is dreaming about that night

"Are you sure about this Buck?" Steve asks the beautiful one armed man standing across from him. "You can always wait, T'Challa has his men working day and night trying to work out a way to help you."  


"I can't stay Steve. All he had to do was say the words and I would have done anything he told me to." Bucky answered back. "I have to go back under. It's safer that way." He looks at Steve from under the bangs that had fallen in front of his face again.  


"I understand Buck," Steve sighs and closes his eyes, "I will miss you." He is scared to open them again, scared to see anything in Bucky's eyes that would condemn Steve for admitting even that tiny bit of emotion that he has kept secret for so long. He flinches slightly when he feels a warm hand grab his. He opens his eyes and sees Bucky with a look in his eyes that Steve had only dreamed about since the day he first laid eyes on him. Bucky doesn't say anything but slowly leads Steve back to the rooms they have been staying in while waiting for the Cryo chamber to be prepped. As they make it inside Bucky releases Steve's hand and sits him down on the edge of the bed.  


"I have loved you from the moment I saw you standing up to those bullies on the playground."  


"Buck," before Steve can say any more Buck has placed his finger over Steve's lips.  


"If I don't say it now, I may never get another chance." Bucky closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again Steve can see the true emotion behind every word. "I have always been in love with you. With every single part of you. The sickly small boy who stood up to bullies, no matter where they came from. The man who failed his recruitment exams five times. The man who would never back down from a fight. But also the boy who would scribble on napkins when ever the mood would strike him; even to the point of forgetting to eat." Bucky stops to playfully push Steve, then grabs and squeezes his shoulder. "I loved your skinny knees and elbows, though I do love the new body too. Though I could always see this tried and true man underneath the skin. No matter what size you were." A single tear slowly finds its way down Bucky's check, and Steve can't resist the urge to kiss it away. After the tear has been kissed from Bucky's face, there is no stopping them now. No force on this earth or otherwise was going to keep these two men from confessing their love to one another in as many ways as possible. They are passionate, and slow but also frenzied and fast. They know that tonight won't last forever, and in the morning Bucky will be torn from Steve's grasp yet again for who knows how long.


	3. When the World Falls Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Avengers tower

Steve doesn't want to wake up, he wants to relive that night forever. If he wakes up, that night will be over, and the hell that has been his life for the past nine months will become all too true. He doesn't know if he can handle that. He clenches his eyes harder together and shifts carefully on the bed. Wait, bed. At that thought his eyes fly open on their own. He blinks back the sudden glare of light and looks very slowly around at his surroundings.  


"Oh thank God," he sighs, he is not back in the sterile room They had been keeping him in. He is somewhere far more familiar, the Avengers Tower med bay. While still sterile and clean, there are small personal touches left by the different Avengers who tend to live in the med bay, as well as some flowers for Steve and a few get well cards from them as well. He slowly sits up in the bed and checks his stomach for damage. Someone had wrapped a new white bandage around it but Steve had to see it, had to make sure that it was all real. Once the wrapping had been tossed he could see it. A jagged line from hip bone to hip bone, stitched by someone who was in a hurry and obviously didn't care if Steve lived or died from the operation. Why they even stitched him up in the first place, why not leave him bleeding in that alley. Steve gets very still, he can feel someone watching him from the doorway.   


"I'm sorry sweetie," Nat says, "I didn't mean to startle you. I forget sometimes that I don't make that much noise when I walk." She smiles softly, though Steve knows she is lying, of course she knows how quiet she is. "Either you have gotten better at hearing, or I wasn't being as quiet as I thought." She walks slowly towards him, her arms loose at her sides and her hands loose and empty. While no one knows where Steve has been, she did see the wound on his stomach. "I want to ask how you are doing, but I think I already know the answer to that question."   


Steve just looks at her, he feels numb. He wants to confide in her, she was his first true friend when he came out of the ice. But he can't seem to say anything, he just sits there like a bump on a log and stares at her.   


Nat doesn't say anything more, she moves to the chair by the side of his bed sits down. She slowly grabs his hand, making sure to give hi ample time to pull away. When he doesn't even flinch she squeezes his hand and blinks back the tears that are trying to fall. Tears won't do anybody any good right now. So she just sits there as a comforting presence.


	4. Who Are You to Judge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is a prick, but feels bad about it later. Steve has no answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! Thank you so much to everybody who has left kudos and comments. I feel so blessed to have already received feedback on my very first fanfic ever. I unfortunately don't have internet at home right now, so I am posting this at work. It might take me a while to get everything hashed out, but I think y'all will like it.

"I don't see what the big deal is. He just needs to get over it and tell us everything he knows." Tony sits on the edge of his desk fiddling with a piece of tech from one of his suits.  


"Tony! I know you can be one of the biggest pricks in the universe; but Steve just lost his child have some decency!" Nat yells at him. She can't believe she thought it was a good idea to every agree with Tony about anything. Now here he is being a prat, it is any wonder people keep leaving him. She doesn't say any of this out loud of course, it would only cause him to become more sullen than ever. "If I hear you say any of thing like this again, especially in front of Steve, they will never find the pieces."

Tony looked up from his equipment and coughed quickly, "Well of course not, but it has been a week. You would think that he would at least have said something by now. We don't even know what happened to him. Though by the looks of that wound and the fact that he was gone about nine months, I would say he had a c-section, and a pretty bad one at that." He jumps off his desk and strides over to Nat, "Why didn't he come to us? Whose baby was it? And where is it now?"  


"I don't have the answers to any of those questions Tony. We will have to wait until he is healthy enough to tell us himself."  


"I hate waiting." He starts to head back to his desk when there is a soft cough behind them.  


"I think I can help." Wanda says quietly, "It will not be pleasant." Tony and Nat shutter a little as they remember the last time Wanda was in their heads.  


"No it won't, but I think it is necessary." Steve replies softly from the hallway. His voice is rough from lack of use, his cheeks hollow from lack of appetite, and his eyes are sunken from lack of sleep and an abundance of tears.  


No body really knows what to say, Steve has been a recluse ever since he came back. Hardly eating, and not saying a word to anyone about what happened to him. "I'm sorry," Steve chokes out, "I'm ssss," He can't say anymore without his voice hitching and Nat rushes to him to try and comfort him, but Steve startles from the fast movement and she stops just in front of him.  


"What happened is very traumatic. It took me two hours to coax him to open his mind at all to speak to me telepathically." Wanda puts her hand on Nat's arm to comfort her. "He has agreed, but he only wants him and I to be in the same room. Everyone else can watch from Friday's control room." Before Tony has a chance to interrupt Wanda continues, "This is very difficult, and any interruptions," she looks pointedly at Tony, "could cause some serious damage. I will not do this unless I am sure Steve is safe." She looks at Tony and Nat seriously and Steve softly. Once she is satisfied she leads Steve off to the safety of his room leaving Nat and Tony to find the other Avengers and get to the control room.


	5. Pleasure and Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally learn where Steve has been for the past nine months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to have this be a part of chapter four, but it started to get really long, so I gave it it's own chapter

"Friday!" Tony yells.  


"Yes sir?" Friday answers back.  


"Is there any way you can get me into that room. I can't stay in your control room for this. I need to be in there, getting answers. He is my friend dammit, and I want to know what happened." He is starting to wear a hole into the rug in Friday's control room, and while she would never admit it there is still a bit of Jarvis left over in her that is wincing at the damage.  


"No sir, I am afraid not. Miss Maximoff has given very clear instructions that they should not be disturbed, and since you have programmed me to keep every Avenger safe and healthy while they are in my care, I cannot allow you to interrupt. Besides you would never forgive yourself if you were the direct or even indirect cause of any problems that might arise from your curiosity."  


Tony looks up towards her sensors after she finishes speaking and narrows his eyes. "Yes I am the one who programmed you, but somehow I think Jarvis may have left something behind." He shrugs, "Fine, I'll stay out Cap's room, but you better not hold any information back from me while Wanda is doing her 'thing'. Bring up the security feed from Cap's room, as well as both his and Wanda's vitals." By this point Nat had found Clint, Thor, and Vision and had clued them in on what was about to happen. Everyone was tense, and they all had their own theories on what had happened to Steve. They all wanted him to get better, he was the heart of their team and regardless of the events last year they could not sit idly by while a dear friend was hurting.  


"I believe Miss Maximoff is ready to begin. If you would all please watch the monitors, you will be able to see everything Mr. Rogers and Miss Maximoff see thanks to the glasses Mr. Stark created, they have been modified to only show the events on the screen. Miss Maximoff has asked me to remind all of you, that no matter what happens, there can be absolutely no interruptions." After everyone agrees Friday turns on the various monitors and speakers hidden throughout the room.  


"Steve, please relax. I will not hurt you, but you may still feel some of the pain associated with your memories. You don't have to speak out-loud if you don't want to. And at any time you want me to stop, just say so." Wanda lays her hand on Steve's leg as he nods his understanding. She smiles softly and moves to stand behind him. Her hands start to glow and a thin red mist slowly winds its way towards Steve's head. As the mist comes in contact both Wanda and Steve let out a gasp and they are plunged into darkness. 

  


A soft white light slowly fills the room, and two shapes start to appear; one is Steve and the other is a one armed Bucky. The room solidifies enough to show that they are in their rooms in Wakanda. Bucky sits Steve down on the bed and you can hear bits and pieces of the speech he gave, the only part that can be heard the clearest is Bucky's "I Love You." Steve has tears running down his face and gives a small, slightly broken smile before the images fade away.  


The room lights up again to the figure of Steve retching into the toilet in his apartment in Brooklyn, a positive pregnancy test is seen sitting on the sink. After he flushes the toilet, Steve sits on the lid and looks at the test with a mixture of pure joy and fear. How can he tell Bucky, will he even be out of cryo by the time it's born? He clutches his belly and smiles to himself. The room fades again and our Steve is clutching at his belly again, this time in sadness.  


A bright red light suddenly fills the room, and everyone gasps in pain while trying to shield their eyes. The light fades and we see the figure of Steve being dragged unconscious into an unmarked white van. The images are coming faster and faster here is Steve being given a sonogram. Flash to Steve being force fed medication, and when he resists they hit him over and over again; making sure they never hit his stomach. Steve being hooked up to several IV's, one into each arm, and one directly into his stomach. Flash to Steve getting a little bit of his strength back and pulling the IV's out. As soon as he removes the IV from his stomach an alarm starts to scream. Several men come rushing into his room and Steve puts up as much of a fight as he can, but getting up from the examination table put too much of a strain on his weakened body and the fight is over before its has even really begun. Though he did manage to break the arm of at least two of his jailers before they were able to subdue him.  


The images start to slow and get hazier around the edges. They must have begun drugging Steve even more than before after his abortive escape. Each flash of light reveals Steve strapped to the examination table, his belly getting bigger and bigger. While every so often people come and go; there is always at least three of them, one to do an examination and two to guard him. A few times the guards start to hit Steve while the doctor is examining him. Breaking his fingers, his nose, giving him black eyes; and once even breaking his arms and legs. After each new broken bone the guards laugh in his face while the doctor sets the bones so they can heal; as long as the baby is still healthy he doesn't care what they do to him.  


The light becomes steady once again and we can see Steve sleeping on the table. Suddenly the alarm starts to go off again, Steve flinches, he didn't do it this time, he didn't do it. He is frightened and still strapped down, what is happening? He feels a terrible pain in his stomach, the baby is moving too much, jerking this way and that. He starts to understand, it must be time. tears start to fall uncontrollably down his face, he tried to stop if they see him crying it will only make it worse, but he can't. He knows they will take it, they will take his baby from him. He starts to wriggle on the table, a spike of adrenaline giving him some strength, but it is too late. The doors open and the room is filled with people. The doctor pushes something through his IV and Steve's vision fades again.  


Steve fights the darkness, he has to be awake, he has to see it before they take it. His eyes open and he is in a different room. This time he is strapped to a hospital bed and the doctor is wearing gloves and a surgical mask. There is a sheet halfway down his body, blocking him from seeing what is going on, but it doesn't block the pain. He can feel when the scalpel cuts through his abdomen, and again as it cuts through layer and layer of fat and muscle. The pain is enough to make Steve's vision go hazy, but he doesn't let it. If he can get even one glimpse of his baby, all of the pain will be worth it. He screams as the scalpel finds it way through the last barrier of muscle and pierces the placenta. He can feel as the doctor's hands start pulling and pushing things out of the way. Steve feels a sudden emptiness as the baby is pulled free of its protection. Steve can't hear anything, nothing at all. What's wrong, shouldn't there be crying. Steve tries to sit up and say something but any little bit of movement cause great pain and he falls back to the bed.  


Finally after what feels like an eternity he hears it, everyone hears it. At first it's a small hiccup and then the baby lets go and starts to wail. It is the most beautiful sound Steve has ever heard, the baby has an amazing set of lungs on it. The sound gives Steve a renewed strength, and he sits up and pulls the sheet away, and he sees it. The doctor is cutting the cord and wiping the baby clean. As the doctor wraps it in a towel he notices Steve watching. The doctor gives the baby to a waiting nurse and shoos them out of the room. As the nurse stops to open the door Steve can see two big beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. All too soon they are gone, and Steve is left alone with the doctor. The doctor comes back with a needle and thread to sew him back up, Steve's voice is gone from all the screaming and crying he has done over his imprisonment so instead of trying to talk he just glares daggers at the person who has earned his way to the top of Steve's list.  


"You can glare all you like, but we have won." The doctor answers. It is startling at first, the whole time Steve has been here no one has ever talked in his presence. It doesn't help Steve though, the doctor has no accent whatsoever. He speaks perfect English, with no lilt to his voice, no slang, nothing to indicate where he is from. "You will never see your child again, it belongs to us now." He continues while stitching Steve up as quickly as possible. "Just give up, go back to your life, forget about the baby." The doctor finishes and looks at his work, "While you won't be winning any beauty contests in the future, you will live, maybe. take some comfort in that." He smirks and pushes more drugs into Steve's IV and the images fade.  


The red mist surrounding Wanda and Steve slowly fades away. They are both sobbing uncontrollably, as is everyone in the control room. What they just witnessed will make it very hard for any of them to get any sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the kudos, I can't wait to see where this goes.


	6. The Things We Deal With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers deal with the aftermath of Steve's revelation and Steve finally gets some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize to my readers for the delay. My internet was not set up until today, and I couldn't post from work because I have been on sick leave. But now I should be able to update on a regular basis.

Everyone just sat there in stunned silence with tears running down their faces. Several seconds went by before Tony shocked everyone by slamming his fist into the wall. 

"Tony!" Natasha yells. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Sorry. Um ow." Tony cradles his probably broken hand to his chest.

"Feel better?" Clint asked.

"Not really no, I forgot the walls were made out of steel alloy, so I am pretty sure i just broke my hand."

"Sir, I have contacted Dum-Dum to prep the med bay to look at your hand." Friday interjected, "I would also like to remind you to not act without thinking."

"Yeah thanks Friday." Tony hobbles toward the door. "Would someone else help me here, I really don't want Dum-Dum anywhere near my hand. Not again anyway."

"I'll go." Nat stands up and follows Tony to the med bay leaving the others alone to their thoughts. 

While Tony is getting his hand looked at, Wanda silently lays Steve in his bed and tries to help him sleep with a few good dreams. She feels a little guilty about fiddling about in his mind but after seeing everything he has gone through, a few good thoughts to let him sleep through the night could only be a good thing. She shuts Steve's door and leans against the wall and tries to catch her breath. Her vision had gone blurry and she couldn't see through the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

"Oh Wanda." Vision says as he walks through the far wall. He pulls Wanda into a hug and lets her sob into his chest.

"Vis, what are we going to do?" She wipes he eyes on her sleeve and looks up at Vision. "How are we going to help Steve? I didn't see anything that could help us. I feel so lost."

"Wanda, you will figure it out. Out of all of us you have the brains and the heart to help Captain Rogers, he is in good hands." Vision brushes Wanda's hair out of her face, "If I believe in anything, I believe in you."

Wanda smiles up at him, "Come on, we need to let Steve sleep." She leads them away towards the elevator, "I can try teaching you how to cook again."

 

 

Steve's room is dark and his bed is soft, and even though Wanda helped calm his brain it took a little bit longer before Steve finally fell into a deep sleep.

Steve is lying in his small bed back in his apartment in Brooklyn. He is just starting to recover from a pretty bad cold that had put him out of commission for a whole week. Bucky was out working at the docks trying to make a little more money to pay for Steve's medicine. Steve curls up under the blanket shivering from the last of the chills working their way out of his body when he hears the door open. 

"Hey punk, you awake yet?" Bucky calls out. He walks into their bedroom and sits gently on the edge of the bed. "I picked up your medicine. This should be the last of it, the pharmacist said you just have to finish this bottle and the cold should be gone." He starts rubbing in small circles along Steve's chest to help loosen up the junk stuck in his lungs.

"Thanks Buck." Steve weakly coughs out.

"I had a bit left over and thought I would get something." He pulls the covers away from Steve's face, "You want to see what it is or are you going to keep pretending your an Eskimo."

"Jerk."

"Oh fine then, I guess I'll just take this back and get a pack of smokes instead." He starts to stand up when a thin hand shoots out and grabs Bucky's sleeve. "Alright punk don't get your panties in a twist. Here." He puts the brown paper bag in Steve's lap and waits for him to open it. 

"Buck, you shouldn't have." There was a pack of four different weight charcoal pencils and a small leather bound notebook. "This must have cost too much, you could have saved the money."

"Don't worry about it, they were on sale." He moves closer to Steve and bundles him into his chest and rubs his hands up and down Steve's arms. "Your old pencils are down to stubs anyway."

"Thanks Buck, that feels good."

"No problem Stevie." He takes the pencils and notebook and places them on the floor by the bed. "Get some sleep buddy, need you at full health. How else are you going to draw me something."

"Night Buck." Steve snuggles closer into Bucky's warmth.

"Night Punk."

"Jerk.'

Steve rolls over in his empty bed in the tower with a small smile on his face and sleeps better than he has in a year. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed something slightly happyish to give us a break from all the angst. Though there will definitely be more angst.


	7. Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve can finally talk freely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised more angst, also this chapter will be pretty heavy in dialogue too.

The group has decided to meet in the common room to discuss everything they have learned over the past twenty four hours. They chose the common room because the atmosphere is more laid back and comfortable than any of the conference rooms, and Steve needs something comforting to help stabilize him as he starts to talk about what happened. Tony is behind the bar placing several bottles of different alcohol on the top, as if he can't decide on what he wants to drink first. Nat is sitting on the arm of the couch while leaning against Clint who is sitting on the back of the couch while leaning on the wall. Thor is pacing in front of the big windows, his body too full of energy to allow him to relax in any way. Wanda is in one of the big easy chairs next to the couch and Vision is standing behind her, sometimes placing his hand on her shoulder and sometimes crossing his arms. Steve has curled up in the other easy chair on the opposite side of the coffee table, his arms wrapped around his legs which in turn are pulled against his chest.

Steve takes a few deep breaths and opens and closes his mouth. He doesn't know where to start, he knows that everyone there has seen his memories and doesn't think any less of him but not being aloud to speak for so long makes it hard for him to put his thoughts together. He takes a few more deep breaths and prepares to give as much detail as he can remember. 

"I guess I should start at the beginning. Well not the very beginning, but you need to understand what I feel for Bucky to understand how this could have happened in the first place." He glances across to Wanda and she gives him an encouraging smile.

"We have always been the best of friends since the day we met. I was standing up to a bully, or trying to anyway. He had pushed me to the ground for the fifth time when Bucky put himself in between me and the bully. I don't even remember his name, but I remember the color of the sky reflected in Bucky's eyes when he pulled me off the ground. I can remember the smell of the detergent on his handkerchief as he wiped the mud and blood from my face; and I can remember the sound of his laugh as I told him that 'I had him on the ropes'." Steve stops and smiles at the memory of their first meeting, at the bond that would continue to pull them together even across the decades. A bond that broke through years of brainwashing and torture to bring these two best friends together again. A bond that no matter what happened to them in the past, and what ever is in store for them in the future, they will always be together "Till the end of the line."

"Till the end of the line. I can't remember when we started saying it, or who said it first, but truer words have never been spoken. Though in my head the words came out different. They could never be spoken out loud, except maybe in jest after too many beers. Just innocent words that got tossed around everyday by people who didn't mean them. People who were afraid of the war and wanted comfort wherever they could find it, and if those words helped a dame give that comfort than who could blame them." Steve shifts in his chair and lowers his feet to the ground though his arms remain hugged against his chest. "We never said those words to each other, they didn't mean anything anymore, they were cheap, but we did have our own words that we spoke more times than I can count. Till the end of the line."

"That's why I could never believe that Buck was behind that explosion, and why I could never join you against him. I loved him, I still love him. Always. The night before he went back to sleep was the happiest and saddest night of my life. I finally had him all to myself, and he had me. We weren't Captain America or The Winter Soldier that night, we were just Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Two lost sad boys who would turn the world upside down to be together." 

Thor had stopped pacing and was looking at Steve like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Clint and Nat were holding hands but not looking at each other, instead Clint had his phone out looking at photos of his family and Nat was looking towards a discarded sweater that no one had the heart to throw out. Wanda had placed her hand over Vision's and Tony chose that moment to down his scotch and bang the glass onto the bar top.

"So, you two love each other. That's great, it really is I'm happy for you. You couldn't have told someone, you couldn't have told me. You are my family, you all are, if you had just told me everything. And I mean  _everything,_ the past year probably could have been averted." Tony refills his glass and downs another two fingers of scotch before settling back while the rest of the team tells him to shut up and let Steve finish.

"Yes, I could have told you, would it have changed anything? Maybe, but maybe not and I was afraid. Dammit Tony, I know that, you are my brother not just my friend. I was afraid that you wouldn't look at me the same way, that the prejudice that was rampant when I was a kid, and is still pretty strong now, was hiding behind the surface. That if I said anything you would try to kill me. Guess what you tried to kill me anyway, and my sexuality never came up once, so forgive me if I felt scared to come to you. Not just last year but nine months ago too. I was so scared of what was happening to me. I didn't even know it was possible, but I guess that was something else the serum changed. How? I couldn't even begin to tell you. I was scared of how i was going to change, of how i was going to explain it to Bucky let alone any of you. I was terrified, but I was also happy. I had a piece of Bucky that could never be taken away from me. A piece I could keep with me even when the person I love most in this world is just out of reach. Who knows how long he is going to be asleep. How old was my child going to be when they finally got to meet their father, and what would Buck have to say about it. Because no matter how much he says it, no matter that I believe him 110%. There is a tiny bit of the old Steve trapped in my head. A small, sick, waif like little boy who doesn't believe he is good enough for anyone, let alone someone like Bucky. So no, I didn't say anything, but I am now." 

Steve stops, he had jumped to his feet after Tony's outburst but now he sunk back into his chair. Too sick and tired to be angry anymore, and too depressed to even try. " I need your help." He looks Tony in the eyes, "Please, I need to find my baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got a little long winded there sorry, but the next chapter is going to be more of the same. Sorry, not sorry.


	8. Where and Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Details, details, details, or lack thereof

Nat gave Tony one of the nastiest looks she has ever given anyone. Out of every bit of red in her ledger, no one has received the look she gave Tony. "If you interrupt Steve one more time, for something not relevant, or with commentary to stroke your ego, they will never find the pieces." Tony at least had the sense to look contrite, "Please continue, and take as long as you need." She gives Tony one more glance, than sits back to let Steve finish.

"Thanks Nat. As for the pregnancy, I can't tell you how. Of everything I remember from health class, I thought only women could carry a child."

"I believe I can shed the tiniest bit of light Captain." Thor responds from the windows. "My brother has given birth to several children over the centuries."

"Um, your brother did what now?" Clint pipes up from his perch.

"Only one ever survived past birth. My father's favorite steed Sleipnir."

"Well that's helpful and all, but Loki is a god, and you just said his child was a horse. I don't really see how that relates."Tony quipped from the bar.

"That is correct Man of Iron, but the ones who did not survive were man in shape and only expired because of my Father's machinations. Yes Loki is a god and part frost giant, but I have never thought less of him for bearing children. He has become misguided and jaded, but he is my brother and I love him regardless. Just as I love my Midgardian brothers."

"Thanks Thor, the super soldier serum coursing through both myself and Bucky could also have something to do with it. I greatly appreciate your support however, thank you." Steve replies and Thor gives him a mighty clap on the back and moves back towards his window.

"However I happened to conceive, I would not change it for the world. When the second line appeared on the test I thought my heart would explode from all the love that filled it. I only started to feel trepidation when I thought of raising my child without Bucky. I was taking a walk through the park trying to come to terms with all the warring emotions. I admit I was not paying any attention to my surroundings. I heard a faint passing of air and a sharp pain in my neck, I believe I was hit with a tranc dart from a blow gun, meaning my attacker could have come from anywhere. I remember trying to turn to fall on my side to protect my new gift, worrying that the fall could hurt the baby. It never went through my mind that I was in danger, just that my baby could be." Steve has to stop, his voice has started to break from the emotion and the overuse of his vocal cords. With a thought from Wanda, Vision transports a tall glass of ice water in front of Steve. He takes it gladly, not just for the relief for his throat but for the chance to get his thoughts and emotions back under control.

"Thank you Vision. I don't know how long I was out, I do know my sight kept coming and going. I kept seeing flashes of being dragged along the ground, being thrown into the back of a van, and riding in that van. They must have kept dosing me over and over as my body tried to fight the drug, and they must have decided to up the dose because I don't remember the transition from the van to the bed I was hooked up on. After that I very rarely lost consciousness, and when I did I believe they did it for a reason."

"Do you remember anything that might give us an idea of where you were being held?" Clint asked.

Steve shakes his head and grimaces, "No, everything was sterile. If something wasn't white it was steel, and there were no markings or logos on anything. Of the machines I can remember, any identifying markers had been removed, so I don't even know what brand they were. There were no logos on uniforms, and no one was allowed to speak to me. Even when I was being tortured the only sounds they uttered were grunts or low laughs. Even when I heard a voice for the first time after delivery the doctor had no inflection to his voice, no accent what so ever. Believe me, I hear that voice every time I try to sleep, and I see his face every time I close my eyes. The only details I have are of his face, I will never be able to forget his face."

Steve can't hold it back anymore and breaks down. As he curls back into himself trying to make himself as small as possible Wanda flashes a thin red tendril towards him, "Please not right now Wanda, not right now."

Wanda stops the thread and walks over to him instead, "Come with me Steve, I'll get you to bed." She offers her hand and helps Steve up from his chair, "Everyone else can wait to ask their questions until you are ready."

For such a large man, not just physically but an all around large presence, no one there had ever seen him so small.  


	9. I Will Find You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bed rest has been weird. Sometimes I can write, sometimes I can't. So Sorry again for the delay, but I will post as I can.

Wanda sits next to Steve on his bed. "What you did today, and what you allowed me to help you remember, was a very brave thing to do."

"I don't know about brave, Bucky always called it stupidity." Steve smirks.

"I know you don't believe that. Just from the snippets I saw I know Bucky thinks the world of you, and you him." Wanda grips Steve's hands in her own, "No matter how you feel now, you are the bravest man I know, and with any luck we will get your child back."

"We will need all the luck we can get, but we will also need this." Steve unlaces his fingers and pulls open the drawer on his bedside table, and brings forth a worn leather bound notebook. "Bucky gave me this notebook back before the war. I had been stuck in bed for a week from a nasty cold virus, and Bucky surprised me with a gift to make me feel better; though I always told him he should have saved the money for something else." Steve caresses the cover of his notebook, "I have filled these pages over the decades with sketches, thoughts, and so forth. Almost everything is about Bucky, however I was not able to keep everything negative out of it."

Steve had been slowly glancing through the pages; smiling at a badly written love poem from before the war and every so often trailing a finger across a sketch of Bucky's cheek or hand. Now he turns to the last several pages and exposes a sketch upon sketch of hate and fear. The men who had tortured Steve were here; all of them, but none more than the doctor. Sketches of his eyes glaring with a malice that could be felt through the paper; his face twisted in a cruel grin while stitching Steve back up. His hands holding the scalpel or covered in blood; and finally a full page rendition of the doctor handing over Steve's baby to the nurse.

"Oh my god Steve." Wanda puts her hand over her mouth, the drawings were magnificent and terrifying. She knew that Steve had been an artist but the whole time she has known him, she never seen him draw in person. She thinks she knows why; with how talented Steve is how could he bring himself to draw when the only things he could see in his mind were horrible. She reverently takes the notebook from Steve and holds it to her chest.

"We should be able to run facial recognition software based on these sketches." Steve says as he blinks back tears, "Just please be careful, I have taken that notebook everywhere with me. I don't care about the last few pages, but the rest." He pauses, "The rest mean more to me than you could ever know."

"Of course. I promise nothing bad will happen to this." Wanda stands from the bed and gently pushes Steve into a lying position, "Try to get some sleep. If you need my help at all for that just call me." She places a kiss on his brow and leaves his room. As she walks back towards the others she sends a message to Vision.

_"Vis. Can you hear me?"_

**_"Always. What do you need my dear."_ **

_"I have something from Steve that should help start off the search, but I need you to keep Tony from getting his hands on it."_

**_"Of course, are we not trusting him on this."_ **

_"We trust him, but it is something very personal to Steve and I don't want Tony damaging it in anyway."_

_**"I have informed the others of the plan, and will contain Tony to the best of my abilities."**  
_

_"Thank you Vis."_

**_"Anything for you."_** After speaking to Vision, Wanda feels better about bringing what could possibly be Steve's heart and soul into the same room as Tony "ego maniac" Stark. It has to be done if they are to get any headway in finding the monsters who did this to her family. 

Wanda walks back into the common room and holds the notebook out for the rest of the team to see. "What I have here is something that should help us on our search." She turns to Tony, "I have promised Steve that nothing will happen to his notebook, so I will be the only one handling it."

"Now that's a load of.."

"Tony if you finish that sentence I will wipe your personal hard drive of certain photos that you thought no one knew about." Natasha says quietly from her perch on the couch.

"I was going to say, before I was rudely interrupted, a load of sense." Tony glares at Nat, while sipping on his fourth glass of Scotch, "Please continue kiddo."

"Steve has an amazing talent, and like he told us earlier, he will never forget that demon's face. I promised that only the relevant pages would be shared, but I have to warn you that they are graphic and disturbing." She walks over to a wall panel and places the notebook inside, "Friday, if you will scan the last twenty pages into your data banks and start the facial recognition software."

"Certainly Miss Maximoff, it will take no time at all to upload the images. However, it could take some time before we find anything, if at all."

Friday starts the upload and as every page is scanned she projects the images on a screen for the others to see. First the image of a man contorted in pain and cradling a broken arm. Next the same man, arm in a sling, raising his good arm with a clenched fist and a rage in his eyes. Another image of a protruding belly covered in different diodes and wires and discolored from bruising. The next couple of images are of the doctor, one page is just his eyes at different angles, one page just his hands, and several full page images of his whole countenance. Finally ending with the image of Steve's baby, the eyes radiating a kind of light that brought different kinds of tears to the Avenger's faces. 

"Those eyes." Thor whispers 

"Do you think Steve drew this truthfully, or do you think it's biased?" Tony asks.

"There can be no way they are real." Nat breathes, "No way."

"Those eyes are haunting, and feel..." Clint starts

"Familiar." Vision finishes. Everyone stares at him on confusion, "Familiar? I do not understand, this is all very strange."

"It must be the serum, it had to be. It allowed the pregnancy in the first place, it must have made the baby..."Tony begins.

"Enhanced." Wanda continues. She chokes back a sob and takes a deep breath, "Friday, have you found anything yet?"

"Not yet Miss Maximoff, it could take some time. I suggest you all get some nourishment and some rest. I will alert everyone when I have found something."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the search kinda begins, this chapter got away from me there, sorry. More details of the search are next.


	10. Clue Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers begin the search and Steve gets a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love and support you guys. I can't wait to see where this story goes, I have already reached the end of my dream, so everything from now on will be unknown territory.

"I can't just sit here, I have to do something." Tony picks up the decanter of Scotch but instead of pouring another drink he puts it back down and leans his head against the bar. "Friday, any ideas at all on where we can find the shit for brains that kidnapped Cap."

"No sir, the software has not found anything as of yet." 

"Well, I am getting out of here, all this inaction is making me itch. I am going to grab something to eat, anybody want anything? No, great" Tony pushes away from the bar and leaves via the elevator.

"I'm with Tony, I need to eat something too. You know low blood sugar and all that, if I don't eat once every eight hours or so I get all weak in the knees." Clint heads down the emergency staircase.

"I am not in need of sustenance, I will do something more productive with my time." Thor walks onto the balcony and calls forth the rainbow bridge to take him to Asgard.

"Well, everyone seems to have left quickly. Nat, are you going to make up a lame excuse to get out of here." Wanda looks towards the couch, "Nat?" Nat had disappeared from the arm of the couch, Wanda is not sure when because she was sure that Nat was there when Clint left. "Well, I guess it is just you and me Vis." Wanda smiles up at Vision, "Let us search the fridge and get some sleep. I have a feeling Steve is going to need us in the morning."

"Of course my dear." Vision offers Wanda his hand and leads her towards the kitchen.

~~~~

"Well well well, great minds think alike I guess." Tony quips while sipping from a Starbucks latte and leaning against the wall of the alley they found Steve in.

"Yeah well, I was only able to eat half a pizza before I lost my appetite." Clint stands up from the patch of ground he had been investigating.

"Wow, only half huh? I could have eaten two."

"Right, cause the amount of food I have ever seen you eat could fit in that grande cup of yours." Clint quips back

"If you two would stop throwing testosterone at each other you would know that there is nothing here."

"Nat? Where are you?" Tony asks.

"Upper left rooftop, crouched behind the air conditioning unit." Clint replies, "No not that one idiot, the one with the red ladder and covered with the shadows from the trees next door."

Tony looks to the correct rooftop, "How did you know?"

"I looked up." Clint smiles up at Nat as she flipped off the fire escape, "Showoff."

Nat smirks at Clint, " I went through every inch of this alley the day we found Steve. The only thing I found was a faint impression of tread from a heavy duty van. The tread was only partial so I couldn't get more information than that." 

"Getting stale Romanoff?" Tony asks

"Not even close, but these guys were good. They were in a hurry to get out of here when they dumped Steve which is why they left anything behind at all." 

"So if there is nothing here where should we check next?" Tony asks as he sips his coffee. 

"I located the park Steve mentioned, but it is a pretty well populated and it has been too long." Nat replied.

"Well, this location is a bust, so we can't not check it out." Tony walks to his car at the end of the alley, "You guys coming with, or are you just going to parkour your way there?" The two best friend spies gave each other a look and went with Tony.

~~~~

 Steve was only able to get a few minutes of fitful sleep before he gave up and got himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. He was staring into the cup when Wanda came up behind him.

"Trying to read your future?"

"What?"

"You were kind of staring into your cup like it held all the secrets of the universe."

"Maybe it does." Steve took a large gulp of his tea before sticking his tongue out and making a face. "Oh, it's gotten cold." He pushes the cup away from him and places his head in his hands. "When did my life become so complicated."

Wanda rubs small circles on Steve's back, "I believe it was sometime in the 40's when you traded your old body for this new one."

"Your right. Oh that feels really good Wanda, Bucky used to do that for me when I was smaller." He glances over to Wanda, "Thank you for everything, other than Bucky you seem to be the only other person who can pull me out of my funk." 

"Mr. Rogers, I hope to one day be added to that list. I believe I have some good news." Friday pipes up from the speakers.

"Did you find them?" Steve asks with hope.

"No, I am sorry I should have been more specific. Mr. Stark has promised to program valid speech protocols for something like this, but he has yet to do so."

"That's okay Friday, what is your news?" Wanda asks while continuing to rub Steve's back as his head falls back into his hands. 

"Mr. Rogers has received a call from Wakanda, Bucky is going to be awakened. 


	11. Captain My Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor asks his father for advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments, kudos, and love. I really appreciate all of it and never thought I would get this kind of response.

Thor walked off the rainbow bridge and stopped in front of Heimdall who was standing at his post. "Heimdall, is my father available?"

"He is in the throne room, as is his want these days. I have not seen him leave maybe three or four times since you last were with us."

"Is he well?" Thor asks, a hint of concern creeping into his voice.

"As well as can be expected I suppose. What with both of his sons betraying him and his wife being felled, however after his last Odin sleep he seems more distant than usual."

"Thank you for the warning, I will go see him now." Thor walks down the halls giving hardy welcomes to every Asgardian that he runs across. He slows as he reaches the doors to the throne room and hears a faint shouting coming from inside. Thor steals himself for the confrontation that is sure to come from talking with his father and walks through the double doors.

"THOR! Welcome back my son. How long can we expect to bask in your presence this time?" Odin bellows as Thor walks up to him.

"I am not sure father. I need your help."

"Of course you need the help of your mighty father, why else would you make the journey. Not for any love of me I am sure." Odin stands and gives Thor a mighty clap on the back, nearly knocking him from the dais. 

"Father, I do not want to fight. One of my Midgardian brothers has been attacked and we need all the help we can get to find the cowards who kidnapped him and his kin."

"Fine my son, who is in need of assistance?"

"The Captain of America Steven Rogers." Thor answers as Odin raises the eyebrow over his eye patch.

"Really? The Captain is one of the few who could best some of my warriors. What manner of beast has made him succumb?"

"Man, not beast. He was kidnapped in the most cowardly way, a sleeping drought in a dart to the neck. He was kept for nine months in an unknown institution, than dumped in an alley once they got what they wanted from him."

"Whore sons! What did they take?" Odin shouts.

"A child, the Captain was pregnant and after he carried the child to term, they took the babe and disappeared." Thor turns towards his father as he finishes his tale, but comes to a start as instead of Odin's visage his brother Loki was standing before him. 

"What?" Loki stutters.

"What?" Thor stutters, "Where is father, what have you done with him?" Thor grasps Loki by his collar and raises him off the ground.

"Please brother, I will tell you the whole truth." Loki gasps out, "But first, please I must know what happened to the babe?" Thor drops him and pulls his hands through his hair. 

"I don't trust you brother, but in truth I was hoping to talk to you anyways. I came here first to ask for our father's permission, but seeing as how you must have been impersonating father since I last saw you, this just saves me the trip." Thor sits down on a step of the dais. "Almost eleven months ago Steven's best friend James made a reappearance and a civil war was started between the Avengers currently on the Earth."

"I remember seeing that through the Bifrost." Loki interjects. 

"Yes, me as well. I did not want to get between Anthony and Steven, and in the end no real physical harm had been done to the Earth. Though I know everyone still carries scars from that time. After Steven broke his team out of the raft I went back to Midgard to offer any help I could to bring the two halves back together. We believed Steven just needed space after James went back into his cold chamber, but we were wrong. Steven had slept with James and became impregnated, the day he discovered the news was the day he was kidnapped. A few weeks ago we found him, dirty scarred and broken. He was finally able to tell us the truth right before I made the journey here."

Loki had sat down next to Thor as he was telling his story. He was holding onto his stomach remembering his own children that were no longer in this world. "They kept the child for some nefarious purpose I am sure. Do you have any idea of who they were?"

"No, though Steven has drawn several detailed sketches. I have brought some copies that the fair Friday made for me." Thor pulls the rolled up papers out of his robes and hands them over to his brother. Loki takes several minutes to study each and every detail of every sketch. When he reaches the last page he inhales deeply.

"Do we know the sex of the child?" Loki asks.

"No, they did not let Steven view the child. The image you see is all he was able to see for himself. Why?"

"If this image is true than I know why they targeted this Child."

"What? Are you certain? How can you know?" Thor asks as he jumps to his feet, "If you know why, than do you know who or where? If you know anything tell me."

"Calm yourself brother. I will tell you what I know, though it is not much. After every child I conceived that survived to birth, I received a letter from unknown hands. How they were able to find me, or to know that I was with child I will never know. The letters never gave pertinent details, and I burned every letter after I lost the child. However, I remember the main issue. The writer wanted to know about the eyes, if any of my children had blue eyes, and if those eyes glowed. I don't know why they wanted to know, and I never answered the letters, but I believe I now know that if any of my children had ever possessed these qualities that I would have met the same fate as our poor Captain."

~~~~~~~

Steve has never felt more nervous in his life. What was he going to say to him, how would he react? Would he still feel the same, or remember him? Does he still love me? Steve spends the entire flight to Wakanda picking at anything his hands came in contact with; his seat belt, his pants, the hem of his shirt, his nails, even tearing apart the napkin that came with his water. Whenever he was able to calm his hands the energy transferred to his legs making them bounce a quick staccato against the floor of the plane.

Wanda places her hand on Steve's knee, "Breathe Steve, everything is going to fine. Bucky still loves you, I know, and we will find your child. Just breathe, you wont be any good to anybody as a quivering mass of nerves. I don't want to be crass but we need your strength, Bucky needs your strength."

"I know Wanda, I just worry. I worry that what ever they did to help Bucky damaged his memory again. That he won't remember how much I love him, or how much he loves me; and I worry that after he finds out what happened that the Soldier will find it's way back. That no matter how much he is healed, that the Soldier is still lurking in the back of his brain." Steve takes a deep breath, "And I am worried that we will need the Soldier for this, and that he is gone forever, and that scares me more than anything."

They sit in silence for a while as the world rushes by around them, just holding each others hands for support. "That is a possibility. That whatever they did to save Bucky from himself has destroyed the one thing we may need to save your child." Wanda squeezes Steve's hand, "But Steve, I think that what you really need is Bucky. Weather he still has any knowledge of the Winter Soldier or not. That matters not, but you and Bucky being together is the most important thing that can happen right now. When the two of you put your minds and hearts together, nothing in this world can stop you."

Steve pulls Wanda into a giant bear hug and whispers, "Thank you." They pull apart as the quinjet starts to descend onto the tarmac of the T'Challa's private airport. Once they land T'Challa and several doctors were waiting for them.

"I know you have had a long flight, but if there is nothing you need right away we should all head over the the medical wing." T'Challa says as he gestures for the group to head towards the massive steel and glass palace. 

"Thank you your highness." Steve replies

"Of course. If you need anything, refreshments a change of clothes, anything at all just shout and someone will be there to provide it." 

"What is the news on Bucky?"

"Patience Steven, all will be made known to you once we have made it inside and away from prying ears." The group has made it into the medical wing without seeing anybody else, and as Steve starts to really notice his surroundings he sees that the people he thought were doctors are probably more likely bodyguards.

"Are we expecting any trouble your Highness?" Steve asks

"You can't be too prepared for anything." T'Challa says with an easy smile. "There are a lot of things the true doctors will want to discuss with both you and James, but I think that can wait." As T'Challa opens the door to a spacious room all Steve even notices is Bucky standing nervously with his hands behind his back. Steve stands still for all of two seconds before rushing into Bucky's waiting arms and the rest of the group quietly leaves the two alone. 

After an embrace that seems to last a lifetime Steve pulls just slightly away and looks into Bucky's open eyes. "How long have you been awake? What do you remember? Wait when did you get a new arm?"

Bucky chuckles softly, "One week, everything, and it was there when I woke up." He brings his new arm up for Steve to investigate, "It's made from vibranium like the last one, but it's a lot lighter."

"It's gorgeous."

"So are you." Bucky caresses Steve's face with his new hand and brings his mouth to meet in a kiss. Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left all of them behind. When they broke apart Steve's face was wet from the tears falling down his face.

"Stevie baby, whats wrong? Did I do something?"

"No. Buck no. I'm just. Well, I'm just so happy to have you back."

"But?"

"But there is something we need to talk about."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for any inconsistencies with the Asgardian speech, it is one of the harder speech patterns to write and I commend the writers of the movie for being able to do so. Yes I quoted princess bride, but I always loved the quote about the kiss, so it fits.


	12. Not Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve explains everything to Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally gets his Bucky back

Steve pulls Bucky towards the sofa that is placed against the wall of Bucky's room. "I want you to know that I regret nothing. Everything I told you before you went under still stands, and I am the luckiest man alive to have finally gotten you back." Steve stares intently into Bucky's eyes and gives him a chaste kiss. "But, our rendezvous that night had some unforeseen consequences."

"What kind of consequences?" Bucky asks guardedly.

"I became pregnant, and just a few weeks ago I gave birth to our child."

"WHAT? That's, that's,  my God Stevie that's amazing!" Bucky jumps from his seat on the couch and pulls Steve into a crushing bear hug, "Well, where is he? Or is it a she? Come on don't leave me in the dark." He stops as he notices the anguished look on Steve's face and pulls them both back down on the couch. "Oh Stevie, what happened?"

Steve takes some time to choke back the sobs that threatened to pour out of him, he has to be strong now. He has to be there for Bucky, "This is going to be really hard." He takes another deep breath, "We lost it, but not how you think." He can't talk as again he is smothered by the arms of his Bucky. 

"Shh, shh just tell me what happened and take as long as you need."

"I don't know what the sex is, and it's still alive. At least I think it is, I hope it is. It was...taken from me."

"What?" Steve can hear the anger already starting to pour out of Bucky and he is afraid to continue. He doesn't know how Bucky is going to react and it scares him. Not that Bucky would ever hurt him, but that he might try to go off alone and get hurt by the people who still blame him for everything the Soldier did.

"Buck. Before I continue I need you to promise me something."

"Anything sweetheart."

"Don't go anywhere without me."

Bucky blinks away the red flecks that had started take over his vision and looks up at Steve, "Never. Not without you." He squeezes Steve's hand and urges him to continue.

"After I found out I was pregnant I was kidnapped." The grip on Steve's hand tightens, "I was kept drugged, and weak due to continued beatings and torture." At this Bucky jumps off the couch and starts to pace. "They made sure to never come anywhere near the baby, and it's health was constantly monitored. And when it was time, they, um, they preformed a c-section and dumped me in an alley while they took our child away from me." Bucky picks up a lamp and throws it across the room. Steve jumps at the noise and that movement brings Bucky back to himself and he rushes towards Steve and holds him as he cries into his shoulder. 

"Oh Stevie, I've got you. Hush, we will find them. We will find the fucks who took our baby and they will pay." Angry tears fall down Bucky's face and he holds Steve until neither of them have any more tears to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is pretty short, but I am writing at work and have to finish before it's time to clock out. More is coming, and I am going tot write a companion piece to this work all in Bucky's POV, kinda, so there will be more details for all of the scenes he is in. (aka smut and violence)


	13. The First Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wants to know everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one won't be angsty, or will it? I want to do something slightly light but because of the subject it will also be sad too. You just can't get away from all the angst no matter how hard you try :)

Bucky looks down at Steve who is curled up on the couch with his head in Bucky's lap. "Stevie baby?"

"Hmm?" Mumbles, slightly exhausted from all the emotional outbursts.

"Will you tell me about it. Not, not what happened, but about our child. Anything you can. I wish I had been there to live them, but could you tell me anyway?" Bucky asks hesitantly. 

"Of course Buck," Steve replies as he pulls himself upright. "What did you want to know?"

"Everything. I want to feel like I had been there with you for all of it. The first time you felt it kick, how you felt when you found out, what your symptoms were. Everything."

"Ok," Steve chuckles," I'll start from the beginning." He gets comfortable on the couch and leans into Bucky's side, "I had started feeling sick about a month after you went back into cryo. I thought I had the flu, though it didn't feel like any flu I ever experienced in the past, but I thought that was just because of the serum. Though looking back, I haven't gotten sick since I got the serum so I guess my brain just didn't want to put two and two together."

He twines his fingers through Bucky's new hand, "A neighbor's girlfriend had just told him she was pregnant and that got me thinking. My neighbor was complaining about her symptoms. The nausea, vomiting, frequent urination, mood swings, all of it and it sounded all too familiar. I think I was a bit rude to the guy cause I ran from him to the nearest corner store. I grabbed like four different boxes and I guess I looked really shaken cause the clerk just gave me this little smile and said 'Good luck' and I was out of there to run back home."

"I read the instructions for each and every test ten times over before I even tried to take one. I don't even know how I thought they were going to work in the first place, seeing as how I am a guy, but I took them anyway. When the first one came back positive I thought it was a fluke, so I took the next one than the next one. Until I had four positive tests in front of me."

He stops to grab Bucky's face in his, "I was so scared, but so happy. I didn't know how I was going to do this. How I was going to explain to the team, or how I was going to explain it to you when you finally woke up. But I knew that no matter what happened, that no matter how people reacted I was not going to give it up. I had a piece of you that no one was going to take from me ever again." Steve can't say anything else, his eyes are watering over and one of his hands has drifted towards his belly.

"But I failed that mission didn't I? I failed our child, I failed you. I couldn't keep it safe, and I couldn't keep it close. They took it from me, like they took you from me."

"Steve look at me." Bucky tilts his Steve's head up so that they are looking eye to eye, "Listen to me. No matter how long it takes, or who it is that took it. We WILL get our baby back. That I can promise you." There was a fire in Bucky's eyes that Steve had not seen since that bully broke all of Steve's fingers in the ninth grade. That fire helped to calm Steve down, and to give him a fire of his own. He nods in agreement and fiercely kisses Bucky to acknowledge his new found strength. 

"I know we will." Steve smiles, " For everything else you asked there is not much I can tell you. Though I do remember craving hamburgers, though that is probably due to the fact that I was being force fed from a tube." Bucky's eyes flare when he mentions the tube, "Sorry. I do remember the first time it kicked. They had just done an ultrasound and a refresh of the drugs in my drip bag. I was feeling pretty down and I was thinking of you. I was always thinking of you. You helped keep me sane. I thought if you can go through what you did and still find your way back to me, then I could do the same."

Bucky caresses Steve's face and kisses his temple. "You are the strongest person I know Stevie. When I was trying to figure out who I was my brain kept giving me you. You brought me out of my programming, and you helped clear the fuzz from my brain."

"Thank you." They stare at each other before Steve starts up again. " I had taken to talking to you whenever I was alone. I couldn't talk if anyone was in my room, if I did they would start to beat on me; but if I only talked when I was alone I did not get any retaliation for it. I was talking to you about that time at Coney Island when you made me ride the Cyclone and I puked. When I said your name I felt something. I didn't know what it was at first and I was afraid that something was wrong. I asked you out loud what was happening, and when I said your name I felt it again. I looked at my stomach and said 'Bucky', and there it was. A little bump near my navel. I said your name again, and again like a mantra; and every time I said your name, regardless of the variation, it would kick. Though it kicked more often for 'Bucky' or 'Buck' and not as often for 'James', and only once for your full name. I am convinced that our child knew exactly who you were."

Bucky wiped the tears from his face and kisses Steve's knuckles, "I am sure of it, any child of ours has to be a genius. Though they get it all from me."

"Please, you took all the stupid with you when you left for the army. It obviously got it from me."

"Punk"

"Jerk" They cuddle back together on the couch and fall asleep as the sun starts to rise slowly behind the curtains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so more angst than I intended, but there you go.


	14. The Devil in the Details

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky sees Steve's Drawings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken me so long to post. Life has been kicking my butt. Here you go.

They wake up slowly and stiffly, still tangled up in each other on the couch. Bucky rubs Steve's arm with his metal arm and trails kisses around his head until he gets to Steve's mouth. Steve parts his lips slightly in invitation and Bucky dives in. They stay locked together until Steve's stomach gives a tell tale rumble.

"When was the last time you ate?" Bucky asks.

"Umm," Steve replies as he looks away and rubs the back of his neck.

"Steve! I know your that little punk anymore, but you still need to eat." Bucky gently pushes Steve off of him and stands up. "Come on, I think there is a kitchen somewhere around here." He grabs Steve's hand and leads him towards the kitchenette two doors down. Bucky plants Steve at the table and starts rummaging around the fridge. He pulls out eggs, cheese, and various vegetables and starts making omelets.

"When did you learn to make omelets?" Steve asks.

"I've always known. Just with all the rationing and our lack of money I never got the chance to make them for you during the war." Bucky answers, "And after you broke my programming I experimented with the recipe. Did you know you can get multiple cartons of eggs now, and the amount of different kids of vegetables is astounding."

"Right? The first time I walked into a grocery store I thought my head would explode. Just the size of the bags of sugar brought tears to my eyes."

"I had to stop myself from gorging on junk food." Bucky puts a plate of six omelets in front of Steve and sits down with his own plate. "Now dig in before I have to start force feeding you."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

Steve can't help the groan that comes from him as he takes the first bite. "Oh my Bucky, this has got to be the best thing I have put in my mouth."

"The best thing?" Bucky asks as he raises an eyebrow. Steve blushes the same color as his shield but continues to eat. They continue their breakfast in companionable silence. When they are done Steve takes the dishes to the sink and starts to wash them when Bucky comes up behind and starts to kiss his neck.

"I can't clean this up if you keep doing that Buck."

"Then stop me." He pinches Steve's ass which cause him to almost drop a plate.

"Oh that's it." Steve turns around and starts kissing Bucky with a fever. Their hands are everywhere; on each other's face, back, and arms. Bucky starts to grind against Steve, and Steve reciprocates by grabbing Bucky's ass to bring him closer. Steve was just about to reach for Bucky's crotch when there is a cough at the door. They pull apart quickly and Bucky glares at the figure leaning on the door while she slowly drinks her coffee. 

"Nat! When did you get here?" Steve asks as he tries to rearrange himself.

"I left as soon as Friday told me where you were heading. I figured you would need some support, but it looks like you've got all the support you could need." She cocks an eyebrow and glances at Bucky's noticeable erection.

"See something you like red?" Steve realizes where she is looking and quickly steps in front of Bucky to try and hide it.

"Sorry. We just haven't seen each other in so long, and we got a little out of control. We will try to control ourselves. Won't we Buck?" Bucky just grunts and sits back at the table to drink his own coffee.

"Has there been any news?" Steve asks.

"No. But I brought your drawings with me and T'Challa has been nice enough to let us use any equipment he has to aid in the search." Nat replies.

"What drawings?"

"Oh. Steve drew the people who held him captive, and we are trying to use those for facial recognition."

"Let me see."

"Buck, are you sure that's a good idea? I don't want to upset you too much after you just woke up." Steve says shyly.

"Let. Me. See." Nat takes the drawings out of her pocket and slides them over to Bucky. The sketch of their child is on top, and Bucky stares at it with tears in his eyes before he gently places it aside to look at the others. Each time he changes the page he gets more and more tense, both Steve and Natasha can feel the anger radiating off of him. Then all of a sudden he crumples one of the sketches in his left fist. 

"Buck? Are you okay? Say something." Steve says anxiously.

"I know who this is." He says quietly.

"What?!" Both Nat and Steve cry as as they jump to their feet.

Bucky looks up at Steve with pure hatred and a tiny bit a fear in his eyes. "I know who this is."


	15. The Things We Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky enlightens us all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for keeping up with this story. I have a feeling we are reaching the end, but there is still more to come.

T'Challa, Natasha, Wanda, Steve, and Bucky are sitting at a table in a conference room somewhere in the palace. There is a giant screen taking up the far wall where we can see Tony, Clint, Vision, Thor, and Loki sitting at their own table back at the tower. 

"If everyone is ready, I think we should get started." T'Challa speaks from the head of the table. "I hope we can get past our differences to bring our dear friend's child back home." 

"What differences?" Tony quips from the head of his own table, "Oh yeah, your talking about what happened earlier this year. Right, where I found out Barnes killed my parents, and I almost killed my best friend. Yeah, those differences." He looks around the table, "I'm over them, you guys over them? Yes? No? If not, too bad. I am going to say this now. Everyone here, except for Loki, is my family. As of right now that also includes you Barnes, and I will do anything for my family. So if you are done bringing up the past your highness, then yeah let's get started."

Nat and Clint both roll their eyes at Tony's outburst while Loki just smirks and leans back in his chair. T'Challa slightly inclines his head and brings up an image on the screen. It is the sketch of the doctor that operated on Steve. "Mr. Barnes if you would please explain what you know."

"I remember this man." There are a few gasps from Tony's side of the table and Loki sits up and starts paying attention. "I do not know his true name, but anyone who ever talked about him called him Usta, which is Turkish for Master. Master of who or what I don't know, he was as much a mystery to the people around him as the Soldier was. The only thing I do know is that he was a scientist of some kind." Bucky looks towards Steve, "He was the one who finalized the serum that Zola gave me, the changed formula that Stark had created. He still looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him, and that was eighty years ago to make sure the serum was still working the way it was supposed to." Bucky's left hand grips the table so hard that it starts to crack, "I don't know how he is still alive, but he won't be for long."

Steve places his hand on top of Bucky's, "No he won't." Bucky releases the poor table and sits back down.

"If we are done damaging furniture I think we should come up with a plan." Tony says, taking control of the conversation. "Nat, why don't you try and hack into what ever is left of S.H.I.E.L.D. Thor, Loki head back to Asgard and see if you can locate anything through the Bifrost. Steve and Bucky, you guys can go check out any old Hydra haunts that Bucky remembers and see if anyone is using them again. Clint and I will hit the streets, call in any favors we have left, that sort of thing. Friday, keep checking the facial recognition, eventually one of these guys will go outside; either to get supplies or visit family, and as soon as they do I want to know about it. Vision, Wanda I really don't know what you can do but I am sure you will come up with something."

As Tony stops to take a breath everyone just stares at him with eyebrows raised. "You know, if that's okay with everyone." He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms.

"If there are no objections." T'Challa looks around the table, "Then we have our assignments. I will be available for any resources you may need, and my borders are open to anyone who needs it. Good luck." T'Challa turns off the screen, nods slightly to those sitting around his table, and heads out. Natasha heads out at the same time, her fingers busy texting away on her phone.

"James, if you need me to help in anyway. Anyway at all, I am here." Wanda says as she gets up from the table. 

"It's Bucky." He replies, "And thank you." He smiles and she takes that as her cue to head to her own rooms.

Steve stands and offers his hand to Bucky. "You ready to find our child?" 

"More than ready." They leave the conference room in high spirits, knowing that soon they will be able to hold their child in their arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Who knows how to come up with titles for anything, definitely not me.


End file.
